Satisfied bear with honey
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A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?"
She replies, "Soup and ice cream."
Kids conversation
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Google
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Skeleton order
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Snowman snowwoman
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!