SCARY HOUSE

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Scary house

#weird #funny #strange #fail #scary #house #feature #others #place

New jokes

Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!

Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.

Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Naughty girls
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

LIGHTS OFF
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'

Skeleton order
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."