Baby destroys the floor
#kid #child #play #playing #funny #walk #walking #boy #baby #omg #floor #people #activities #feature #sports #reactions #place
Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Google
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Skeleton
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Months
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"