IF YOU CAN READ THIS I´M DRUNK

If you can read this I´m drunk

#laundry #funny #woman #girl #things #feature #people

New jokes

Hamburgers
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Months
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.

Tampons
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"

School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.

Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.

Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.

Weight loss
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.