WOMAN EATING MELON

Woman eating melon

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New jokes

Tampons
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"

Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Kids conversation
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.

Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!