A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!