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New jokes

Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison

Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Reporter vs man
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Snowman snowwoman
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Skeleton
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.