Cat has lunch
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.