OPENING BOTTLE

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Opening bottle

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New jokes

Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

LIGHTS OFF
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'

Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.