OPENING BOTTLE

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Opening bottle

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New jokes

Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.

Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!

Get married
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

Google
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.