Drunk woman
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Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Adele
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Bug in soup
A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Snowman snowwoman
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Christmas gift
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."