NEED A WOOD

Need a wood

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New jokes

Kids conversation
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Naughty girls
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Mexican sport
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.

Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Tampons
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"