Need a wood
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.