Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."