TEACHING ENGLISH

Teaching english

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New jokes

Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

Google
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.

Christmas gift
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."