#magic #waggle #dance #dancing #crazy #satisfied #flower #happy #excited #drunk #cool #green #feature #activities #sports #emotion #nature #color
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"