BORED CAT SITTING ON BENCH

Bored cat sitting on bench

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New jokes

School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!

Naughty girls
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Guys on the roof
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.