SANTA PLAYING WITH GIFTS

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Santa playing with gifts

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New jokes

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.

Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.

Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!

Lost in desert
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

Months
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.

Elderly couple
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"