Cats with Schwarzenegger
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"