Hypnotized monster
#cute #look #looking #funny #cartoon #scary #green #monsters #wazowski #feature #activities #things #color #celebrities
Chinese girl
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Turkey
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Christmas gift
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.