Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.