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Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.