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Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.