CAT WITH CANDLE

Cat playing with candle

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New jokes

Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Tampons
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"

Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.