Mouse is playing music
#cute #animal #sweet #white #play #playing #funny #mouse #feature #animals #color #activities
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Google
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Beans
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.