A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Mr. and Mrs. Brown
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."