Angry santa
#funny #christmas #angry #santa claus #winter #mad #red #feature #winter #emotion #color
Trick-or-treating
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
Mexican sport
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Adele
Q: Why did Adele cross the road?
A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Skeleton order
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!