Seals are kissing
#cute #animal #kiss #winter #seal #happy #love #cold #ice #feature #animals #activities #winter #emotion
School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
DonĀ“t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Cats exercise
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death?
Employee: No, because there is no proof of it.
Boss: Well there is now !
Employee: How?
Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left