If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.