Screaming man
#man #frustrated #depressed #scream #sad #people #emotion #activities
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him.
At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"