EAT YOUR FEELINGS

Eat your feelings

#eat #eating #hungry #woman #frustrated #crying #depressed #sad #blonde #chocolate #food #people #emotion

New jokes

Snowman snowwoman
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Beans
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Private investigator
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."

MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.

Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.