Crying depressed man
#man #frustrated #crying #depressed #sad #black #grandpa #people #emotion #color
Cats exercise
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Google
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.