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Klondike solitaire game for Christmas: move all cards to the top 4 stacks from Ace to King. On the tableau place cards in descending order and alternate color. Click on the top left stack to get a new open card.
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School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Skeleton
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Mr. and Mrs. Brown
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
Reporter vs man
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"
Man: "Yes!"
Reporter: "Name?"
Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."
Reporter: "Sex?"
Man: "Three to five times a week."
Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"
Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
Reporter: "Holy cow!"
Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."
Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"
Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."
Reporter: "Oh dear!"
Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.