death timer

find out how is your life

#scary #anime

New jokes

Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.

Turkey
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!

Hamburgers
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.

Pregnant woman
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.